The Calm Before The Wild Ass Candle

Like that hush before the burro brigade charges: soft air, stiff breeze, prairie quiet. This candle captures the stillness you crave before the storm you are.

Hand-poured and herb-laced, it’s the scent of dirt paths, dusty calm, and that moment your donkey locks eyes with a gate latch. Meditative, but with a warning label.

🌬️ Grounded Calm with a Wild Edge
Lavender, chamomile, and sage offer deep-breath serenity, while a cedarwood base reminds you the chaos isn’t far behind.

🧘♀️ Your Decompression Ritual
Perfect for winding down after a herd wrangle, a too-long day, or a too-much world. This is where peace catches its breath.

🕊️ Herbal, Earthy, Not Too Sweet
No cloying florals here. Just clean, botanical notes with a weathered-wood finish.

🎁 The Candle for Controlled Chaos
Gift it to the friend who’s the calm before the group text explodes. Or keep it by your own favorite chair… until the wild ass returns.

🕯️ 9 oz Hand-Poured Soy Candle
Crafted with 100% soy wax and a lead-free cotton wick. Made to burn clean and steady.

🌿 Essential Oil Infused
Features a layered blend of lavender, chamomile, sage, rosemary, and grounding woods. No synthetic overpower here.

🧪 Non-Toxic & Clean-Burning
Vegan, cruelty-free, and phthalate-free. Safe for your herd, your lungs, and your peace of mind.

🍶 Reusable Glass Vessel
Clear glass with a black lid and simple label. Rinse and repurpose: think desk stash jar, paintbrush cup, or your secret bag clip graveyard.

✅ Safety-Compliant & Fire-Wise
Meets national safety standards. More reliable than a fence built by your neighbor's cousin. Wait... that may be too low a bar.

Always burn your candle within sight and away from drafts, flammable materials, children, or curious hooves.

Trim the wick to ¼″ before each burn to keep the flame even and happy.

Let the wax pool reach the edges on the first burn to avoid tunneling.

Keep debris out of the wax. Your candle doesn’t need a snack, no matter how much it begs.

Choose your scent variant (this one’s a prairie breeze with a little mystical kick).

Light it up, sit back, and let the storm hold off just a little longer while your nervous system sighs in gratitude.

Gift one to a friend who needs to calm her ass down before the rodeo of life resumes.

⚠️ Warning: May cause spontaneous exhaling, suspiciously timed breakthroughs, or a desire to stare wistfully at the wall while whispering “I’m fine, I swear.” Use when you’re this close to losing your last marble but would still like your house to herbal calm and controlled chaos. ⚠️