Sit My Ass On The Porch Candle

There’s a kind of quiet that only happens when the chores are done, the breeze is soft, and your favorite bray echoes through the morning mist. Sit My Ass On The Porch brings that moment home with notes of sea salt, green leaves, and soft florals. It smells like rocking chairs, wood grain, and the sweet sigh of a donkey at your feet.

This candle is porch swing peace. It’s the scent of wide-open skies, worn boots by the door, and your burro blinking slow in the sun. Light it up and take a seat. You’ve earned this stillness.

🌊 Barnside Breeze in a Jar
Brings the salty air and petal-soft calm of your favorite porch perch into your home. Burro not included, but highly recommended.

🐴 Mood-Soothing Magic
Fresh greens and florals mingle with sea salt and ozone. Perfect for winding down after herd duty or setting a tone of gentle focus.

🍃Window-Open Vibes, Year-Round
Even when it’s too hot or too cold for the real porch, this candle gives your space that open-air, fresh-morning feel.

🎁 Giftable Peace for the Chaos-Wrangler
Know someone whose life needs a pause button? This is the scent of slow mornings, deep breaths, and sweet-eyed company.

🕯️ Clean Ingredients, Cozy Intentions
Crafted with 100% soy wax and cotton wicks. Vegan, cruelty-free, and made without toxins or phthalates.

🔥 Slow-Burn Serenity
Enjoy 50–60 hours of salty-sweet stillness. Light it during porch coffee, barn check-ins, or sunset brays.

🌿 Essential Oil Infused
Blended with high-quality fragrance oils and essential oils for a scent that feels like an exhale.

🍶 Charming Glass Jar
Comes in a clear 9 oz vessel with a black lid and minimalist label. Blends in with your rustic shelves, porch tables, or clawfoot tub retreat.

✅ Safety Standard Compliant
Meets national safety guidelines and won’t cause barn drama. Unlike Janine’s goat.

Always burn your candle within sight and away from things that burn, break, or bite (including pets and toddlers).

Trim wick to ¼″ before lighting. It helps the candle behave itself and burn evenly.

Keep the wax surface clean. No hay, no herbs, no mysterious floaties.

Choose this scent when you're craving that slow porch moment: sea breeze, donkey nearby, coffee or wine in hand.

Light it up and let the calm roll in like coastal fog across weathered fenceposts.

When it’s done, repurpose the jar as a planter, brush holder, or mini succulent throne for your barn office.

Gift one to your favorite chill-seeker, or keep it all to yourself (we won’t tell).

⚠️ Warning: May cause sudden exhaling, thoughts of painting everything sage green, or canceling plans in favor of porch time with your donkey. Proceed with relaxation.